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From: wquinnan@sdcc13.ucsd.edu (Malcusco)
Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian
Subject: Re: When are two people married in God's eyes?
Message-ID: <Apr.19.05.11.55.1993.29121@athos.rutgers.edu>
Date: 19 Apr 93 09:11:56 GMT
Sender: hedrick@athos.rutgers.edu
Organization: University of California, San Diego
Lines: 59
Approved: christian@aramis.rutgers.edu

In article <Apr.16.23.18.04.1993.1876@geneva.rutgers.edu> rob@ll.mit.edu writes:
>I think it was Lewis who said that in a wedding, it's the principals  
>that marry each other; the church and the state are present merely as  
>witnesses.
>
>[This is not just Lewis -- it's a summary of standard Catholic
>theology.  However this doesn't mean that the presence of those
>witnesses is optional, except in odd situations like the standard
>desert island.  --clh]

	I originally wrote to the person who asked this question
personally, but decided to post the information I had on the topic.

	I spoke to the pastor of my parish (Catholic) recently, 
by coincidence, on this subject.  His explaination was that 
while it is possible for a couple to marry without the presence
of a priest, it is important to have it recognized by the 
Church as soon as it is possible.  Because the Church 
recoginizes itself as a community of believers, members
of the church, to some degree, are to be held accountable
to each other.  To be less hypothetical than that mythical
couple on the desert island, there are many places in the
world that do not have priests availible for marriages
on a regular basis.  Therefore, couples get married without
the priest being present, but get the priest to testify to
their marriage when one comes through the area.  

	I remember a religion teacher in high school saying
that the marriage ceremony is not for the benefit of the couple
as much as it is for the benefit of the community.  Thus,
married couples have some responsibility to the community
to stay married, as divorce sets a bad example for the
community.  Also, the couple has vowed to become one with
one another--the community should be able to rely on that 
couple to be as one.

	While couples may marry without witnesses, they 
may NOT get anulments without a priest present.  An 
anulment is simply an admission of the church that what
they had declared a marriage was not, in fact, a marriage
at all, for whatever reason.  So don't start getting married
in the back seat of a station wagon and giving yourselves
anulments a half-hour later!!

	I tend to agree with the response back there that
said couples become married as soon as they consumate their
marriage, but I would add that couples should consider their
marriage consumated if they have sex, whether or not they
intended to be married, assuming they were both willing
partners to the sexual act.  The couple must be prepared
to raise any children they may have as a result of that
sexual act with the benefit of both parents.  Sex IS a
commitment, I believe, in God's eyes.

	But I'm digressing....

			God be with you,
					
				Malcusco
